Are You Ignoring The Elephant In The Room?
The holidays always seem to be a time of reflection. But this year has been particularly significant for many of my clients and colleagues.
Why? It seems like the elephant that they had been able to successfully ignore year after year has finally gotten so big that they simply can no longer ignore it anymore. In fact, the elephant has grown so big, it is forcing some major changes in short order.
So this holiday season they are dealing with it up close and personal. Ugh, right?
What do I mean when I say, “THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM?” The elephant in the room is something so big that when you finally do address it, the world feels like the tectonic plates beneath your feet literally are shifting in real time. Nothing feels the same afterward.
Examples of elephants I’ve heard of lately include, but are not limited to:
- “This last year I decided to let go of a part of my business model that really worked for me in the previous years. I’ve been feeling the financial pain of that decision all year. Now I’m getting ready to re-introduce that component of my business in 2011 in a much larger way than I ever have before. It means big changes and the biggest risk and commitment I’ve ever made to my business in all my years of business!”
- “For the last couple of years as I have been pursuing my entrepreneurial career. My wife has been unhappy, because she doesn’t feel safe with the uncertainty. So we’re getting divorced and I’m moving out by Christmas Eve!”
- “There was something financial in my business that I ignored for a really long time, because I kept thinking that once I got these other things in place, it would naturally work itself out. Unfortunately, things got more and more skewed with time and it got really painful to the point where I had to do something to address the issue. Finally, I had to deal with it, but now that I have, I feel a million times better than before!”
The elephant in the room is life changing. It requires big changes financially, emotionally, physically and/or spiritually. It is usually something so overwhelming to deal with that we ignore it until it forces us to make those big changes whether we want to or not.
HINT: The degree of difficulty in making those changes mounts with time ignoring the elephant. So, you can either address it a little bit at a time or wait until it engulfs the room you are in and literally forces you to move into another space. The choice is yours to either go along willingly or be forced to make the shift at some point.
Some telltale signs that you’ve got an elephant in the room:
- It is the thing that you bristle at when someone you love brings it up, like business success and finances, excessive or unhealthy food or alcohol use, or a serious imbalance that is compromising other areas of your life, like your relationships with friends and family.
- It is that thing that nobody wants to talk about and so the subject is changed almost as soon as it is brought up.
- There is almost always evidence related to it in your immediate environment. You don’t have to look too far to find it, but you may have grown so accustomed to seeing it, that you need a fresh set of eyes on the situation at hand.
- The elephant is usually costing you something in terms of your significant relationships with family and friends in your personal life and clients and business associates in your professional life.
How do you recognize the elephant in the room?
Exercise: Take a sneak peak at the elephant(s) in your own life you are ignoring.
- “Name that elephant!” ~ as soon as you identify it, you begin disempowering it.
- Name the telltale signs the elephant is in the room ~ make a list of the obvious clues surrounding you and be brutally honest with yourself in that moment. You can always send it through the shredder, but for a moment, allow yourself to “see” it.
- Play it forward ~ what do you expect to have happen if it continues unaddressed?
- Your immediate payoff for ignoring it ~ what do you get out of turning a blind eye?
- Your cost or payout for ignoring it ~ what is the price of your ticket to admission to this experience in your life?
- Action steps you can take to correct course ~ I recommend writing down easy, moderate, and difficult action steps so that you can see ALL of your options for remedying this situation.
If you can’t figure it out on your own (which is completely normal because you are subjective in your own experiences), look for trusted guidance in your life through friends, family or more of an objective source like a counselor or coach. Often times, a fresh set of eyes on a situation that is keeping you scratching your head is welcome reprieve. The good news is that once you go through the shift, it is no longer anywhere near as scary and you learn a lot about yourself along the way.
The person you become on the other side is one to celebrate and love for all the years to come!
